Motherhood

Being a SAHM

This is one of those posts that I have been a little hesitant to write only because I feel like there are so many mixed feelings,  misconceptions and stigmas associated with being a stay at home mom. Let me start by mentioning that being a stay at home mom has always been something that I have wanted to do and have seen myself doing. I absolutely love teaching, but I also really love my child. Once Lincoln was born, I knew that my time with teaching was coming to an end.

I do not find myself to be a lazy person or someone who does not want to work. In fact, raising Lincoln, being home with him and taking care of my family is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had – but also, by far, the most rewarding. The topic of me leaving teaching began way before Darius and I had a baby. His mother was a SAHM for most of his life and he really enjoyed having her around and looking back, he really appreciates all she did. When I mentioned wanting to leave work one day, he was ecstatic about it. So, trying to convince my husband one way or another wasn’t something I had to do. In fact, Darius was pushing me to quit my job. Right before giving birth to Lincoln, Darius was promoted to Tech Sergeant which is quite a nice pay raise. It was then that everything just fell into place. We were going to make it work. We knew it would be tight and we also knew it would not be easy, but this is what was best for our child and our family.

It hurts my soul when I hear the jokes and comments made about women who chose to stay at home with their babes. What do they do all day? They must get to sleep in. How lazy are they. Maybe they just don’t want to work? The house BETTER be cleaned and dinner BETTER be made. It’s two steps back for women. Luckily- none of these have come my way yet, but I’ve heard them before, even from those who knew this was the direction I wanted to choose. So, let me go ahead and clear up some things –

What do I do all day? In my short amount of time being home with Lincoln full-time, I am the least bored I have ever been. My day is 24/7 but really it starts about 6am when he wakes up. We go downstairs and play for an hour before breakfast. I make him breakfast, unload the dishwasher, feed him, pack lunch for Darius (because it saves us money). I make myself and Darius breakfast, clean up breakfast while Lincoln watches Bubble Guppies, get Lincoln dressed for the day and then we play some more. We practice walking, talking and following commands. By 9am, it’s time for his first nap. Sometimes I nap too (usually when he was up a lot the night before) and that’s okay with me. Other times, I do a chore like fold the laundry, vacuum, whatever. I will even try to do an in home workout. By 10:30-11 he’s up and we head off to the library, run errands, go to the commissary or whatever I need to do so it won’t be done on the weekends during our family time. By 1:00 to 2:00 it’s time for nap #2. During this time I either work on other chores or I take some time for myself and just watch TV and hang out. The afternoon nap is much shorter so I take what I can get. Once he’s up, we will either go exploring some more, maybe a play date or some time in the pool. Darius is usually home by 5 and I start preparing dinner around 4:30. After dinner, Darius cleans up (holy crap yes Darius helps!), we get Lincoln a bath and Lincoln is in bed by 6:30. I load the dishwasher, run it, and Darius and I get to hang out until around 10 when I go to bed. It’s a long day and not all days are easy or even the same. Sometimes I don’t get anything done and sometimes naps are skipped or things come up.

Do I want to work? Of course I do! Leaving work was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my entire life. But you know what, Lincoln is only this little once and in the blink of an eye he will be in pre-school, so I am soaking it up while I can. I am also looking for part-time work to help bring in some cash for my family.

I bet the house is always clean and food is always cooked. LOL. My house may appear to be cleaned. Yes, after every day the toys are picked up and put away and for the most part I don’t have piles of dust floating around. But, our bedroom is always the last to get attention, I have piles of shit in the guest room looking for a home, we have crumbs on the floor constantly and something in the kitchen is always sticky. So, no. And we do manage to always have food cooked because eating out randomly is no longer an option for us. Everything is budgeted for and because providing leftovers and cooking is cheaper for us, I make sure we use all the food we buy. If we want to eat out one day, it’s already in the budget and planned for.

Being a SAHM is one step back for women. WHATEVER. That all boils down to personal beliefs. I am NOT a feminist and I DO enjoy a “traditional” lifestyle. Again, I have always wanted to be home to raise my kids. It’s easier on me. I was not the best at juggling career and motherhood and family. This is what I wanted. I don’t believe I am causing a step back in women’s rights, I am just doing what I WANT TO DO because that is also my right.

I hope that this was able to clear up my perceptions of being a SAHM and maybe even misconceptions for those out there who believe it’s wildly a day off every day of the year… because it actuality, it’s the exact opposite. If you’re a SAHM, leave a comment below on what made you decide to take the leap!

xoxo!

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1 thought on “Being a SAHM”

  1. I loved this article! I worked full-time for about 6 months after my son was born, and I was absolutely miserable. I hated it and missed my son. Making things worse is my husband’s crazy firefighter shift schedule, so we hardly ever got family time bc he worked a lot of weekends. I thought being a SAHM would solve all my problems but after taking a week off work to just hang with babe, I found myself understimulated. I ended up finding a part-time job that I LOVE and it’s been the best of both worlds. I get to spend way more time with my son, I get to do mommy and me activities. I have more time to do housework and errands, and we get so much more time as a family. Plus I feel like the three days I go into the office are my “break.” Lunch and peeing by myself?? Yes, please!! So yeah I totally hear you. The only small little qualm I would point out is that you can totally be a SAHM AND be a feminist. The days that I stay home with my son are absolutely way harder than the days I go into work. If you are hearing talk from people that do not appreciate the work of a SAHM, they are obviously misinformed and uneducated. Being a feminist means that I am grateful for all the work that women before me have accomplished so that I can have the CHOICE to stay at home or work. Just like there are sanctimommies that judge others for not following their crunchy granola ways, there are some feminists who believe these women are not using their full potential. But it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can completely 100% be a feminist and keep your maiden name, and work or stay home. For me, it’s about advocating for women’s rights (paid maternity leave, longer maternity leave, access to birth control–things I believe should be basic human rights), because I believe the sexes should be equal –noting that being equal does not mean the same. Just my two cents — signed a passionate advocate for women’s rights.

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